You can’t choose your family, not entirely. Sure you may be a modernized individual that views your close friendships as family but there is nothing like the real thing to quickly and efficiently push every little button you have within mere seconds of conversation. I’ve faced this phenomenon many times in the past and I know it can be one of the greatest hinderances for self-improvement and motivation. The words of our closest family members hold weight that, even if we shrug it off, still latch on with a burden we carry all day. It reminds me of a man I met in Ukraine that told me in broken english, “You can’t fly unless family bring wind to sky.”
Words are important. The words we choose to listen to and the words we share should always be weighed. This is something I am guilty of not doing myself often enough. An example; my family is very supportive of my endeavors, and often share words of encouragement, but my family does not handle stress well. When angered my family lashes out, and like binging on a bottle of Jack they let their true thoughts reign supreme. For my lifestyle this does not bring about happy thoughts of puppies and kittens. Recently a family Matriarch told me they had a thousand dollars worth of antiquities that belonged to another family member; but, that family member was making it very difficult to receive their antiquities so the Matriarch has threatened to donate all the antiquities to Goodwill. As a selfless human being I offered to accept these antiquities to sell on behalf of the other family member to put a little more coin in my pocket but the Matriarch informed me, “No, I’m donating it to Goodwill on principle. It’s about the principle of the matter. If you want more money you should live a more Republican and normal lifestyle instead of chasing a foolish dream.”
And there it is. It takes a while to get the truth out of those who care about you, and that’s a compliment in that they are doing the right thing of trying to be supportive, but it all turns out to be an empty show when the curtain is pulled back and the reality of their thoughts are revealed.
We all face this on some level and have to find ways to cope. It all comes down to authenticity, as I mentioned in a previous post, and learning to remain true to yourself. The easy answer would be to cut yourself off from all those that say nay, which can work really well with friendships, but not so much with family. The depth of familial ties is ingrained in us at a young age and whether its biological or trained assumptions you can’t escape it easily. All you can really do is hope to improve the balance when you have kids and learn from the burdens that weighed on you when you started branching out on your own.
My next post will be the first about the big move to Ukraine. I know in the blogosphere it’s important to keep posts around 500-800 words so I will be sticking to that form. Hopefully it will break the story of Russia’s invasion into manageable bite-sized stories.